Valentines Day '82

It hardly seems possible but Valentine’s Day is, from a retail perspective, even bigger today than it was in 1982.  And trust me it was a very, very  big deal in 1982.  But to this kid Valentine’s Day was way over the top in ’62, ’82, hey pick your year, it’s still way to commercial today.  Florists, however, totally disagree.  They wish Valentine’s Day was January 14^th.  If florists didn’t have to wair til February for a positive cash flow it would make January a whole lot more liveable. 

Be Mine 

February 14, 1982 

Valentine’s Day.  Another subject I know absolutely nothing about.  It always seemed Valentine’s Day was for girls.  We males were convinced February 14^th was your basic bunch of yuk, except for the chocolates Dad brought home to Mom.  After a couple of years practice I had the caramel locations in a Whitman Sampler memorized.  But if Dad went all out and brought Mom a bouquet of roses the day turned into a total loss. 

The nadir of my valentine experience was getting a card surrounded by lace and signed by sweaty Virginia Johnson.  She sat behind me in fourth grade.  Especially embarrassing was the part, which read, “Be mine.”  It wasn’t until I received a valentine from my cousin that it dawned on me Virginia wasn’t serious.  All valentines said, “Be mine.” 

I always assumed Valentine’s Day was initiated by a greeting card company as an outstanding way to end the first quarter sales slump.  What better method to keep the peons in manufacturing busy than to invent a holiday falling between Christmas and Easter?  This was especially true because Lincoln’s birthday had not proved to be the card mover the folks in marketing had projected. 

According to my daughter’s encyclopedia, the day is named for a priest called Valentine who was beheaded on February 14^th in either the 13^th or 14^th century.  Tales like this are more than a little suspect when the day is figured to a gnat’s eyelash but the year is plus or minus 200. 

As the story goes, Valentine was cooling his heels in a dungeon awaiting his final meal of rhubarb pie and potato salad when he struck up a friendship with the jailer’s blind daughter, whose eyesight he was able to restore.   

One is forced to admit the priest did indeed, “Care enough to send the very best.”  On the eve of his death he left a written message for the girl, “From your Valentine.”  If the good man had been truly aware of what he was causing with his creative efforts he would at least have given the young lady a few quid and instructed her to purchase a hundred shares of Hallmark stock for his estate.  The vows of poverty would certainly have soon ceased to be a problem. 

Because Valentine lost his head while mooning over a blonde he became the patron saint of lovers.  There must be a message in there somewhere but it sounds more like a warning. 

The encyclopedia also tells us the ancient Romans celebrated a festival on the 14^th of February in honor of their goddess, Juno Regina.  The name sounds like a Catholic girls school in Keokuk. 

During the Roman festival it was the practice for boys to draw by lot the names of girls, who were their partners in the celebration.  Whether this marked the start of Valentine’s Day is a point argued by historians, but all agree it is the first mention in history of a singles bar. 

Early Christians wanted to abolish, “this lewd custom of the heat-hen.”  But since they knew it was impossible to eradicate the practice immediately, they proceeded to give it a Christian touch by substituting the names of saints for the names of girls.  This philosophy formed the foundation for modern theologic thought.  To wit, any act is most likely sinful unless, of course, you do it religiously. 

From all of that we have evolved down to a Roses are Red, Violets are Blue holiday.  But those rhymes were only to the guy sitting in front of you and never given to the folks for whom they were written.  Like the teacher. 

When it comes to holidays I always preferred May Day.  When the icky girls left a May basket on your stoop it was legal to run out from behind a bush and tackle them.  May Day was fun since it was the only day of the year boys could beat up on females.