November 10, 2004
Big Red

Hey Bugeaters you can go home, all is forgiven.  The Denver Post a couple weeks past told one and all the state of Nebraska is throwing a party at the Denver Adams Mark and the only invitees are former Nebraska college graduates now living along the Front Range. 

It seems not only are Husker football players in short supply, Nebraska lost last Saturday 34-27 to my alma mater Iowa State, but the labor pool is extremely shallow from Scottsbluff to Omaha.  Since the Denver area is home to over twenty five thousand graduates of Nebraska colleges, the Nebraska Department of Economic Development is putting on a one day job fair November 20^th in hopes of convincing “homesick Huskers” to return to the land of corn. 

Not that I’m from Nebraska but I did wander to Colorado from the banks of the Mississippi over three decades ago and all I can say to the Nebraska recruiters is “Hey lottsa luck.”  It’s hard to get those of us who escaped the Mid-West to come home for a visit let alone return on a permanent basis.  This would be especially true of Nebraskans after their pride and joy, The Big Red footballers, came up short 34-27 last Saturday against Iowa State.  The Cyclones beat Nebraska almost as often as the Colorado Rockies win on the road. 

I’m sure the  “Come Home to Nebraska” dinner will be quite nice.  Most likely prodigal Huskers will sit down to a “back home” meal of Swiss steak, boiled potatoes, stewed tomatoes, and a Jell-O salad containing little marshmallows with a dollop of mayonnaise on top.  And just like home, after the meal, and before the program, everyone will give a big round of applause to the ladies in the kitchen. 

But it will be most difficult to get the attendees to focus on the “Come back Shane, come back” message for two reasons, one; things are not good with the football program, did I tell you the Huskers lost last Saturday to Iowa State 34-27, and who cares what the second reason is because Nebraska is a tough place to live and if Big Red can’t even beat Iowa State or a direction school, the Huskers losing earlier this year to Southern Mississippi, why would anyone move back?  Any fool knows if you’re going to live in a state where the football teams can’t lick the roof of their mouth one might as well stay in Colorado because while the Buffs and Rams are sad, at least the weather beats the hell out of back home. 

Our Colorado Governor doesn’t seem worried about a mass migration to the East.  He was quoted as saying the new Nebraska license plate should read, “Gateway to Colorado”.   Our Guv probably thinks that once in Colorado nobody ever goes home.  You can understand his thinking.  He moved here from Texas. 

The Executive Director of the U of Nebraska Alumni Association said the “reunion” would be well attended because “Huskers love Huskers.”   Which could be a part of their problem, genetically speaking, if you know what I mean and I think you do. 

The Nebraska official went on to explain with so many Nebraska college graduates moving to Colorado it has created a “brain drain” in the Husker state.  So remember, as you’re having coffee this morning with your Cornhusker friend and listening to him drone on and on about how much fun he had watching the tractor pulls in Wahoo, Beatrice and Broken Bow, remember the guy doing the talking has been labeled as a “smart one” back in Huskerland.  

Please be nice to your Nebraska friend.  He has a heavy heart.  I may not have mentioned it but his team, Big Red, lost last Saturday 34-27 to my Iowa State Cyclones.