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May
12, 2004 |
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Lists. I love ‘em. From David Letterman’s Top 10 to the 7 Rules for Dating my Teen-Age Daughter I’ll read, watch or debate anything on God’s green earth provided it’s ranked in numerical order. Biking and running allow a person to spend a lot of time in solitary thought. People ask, “How do you deal with the boredom?” Bored? How can you be bored when so many things need to be prioritized? Important stuff
like the Top 10 nicknames of Chicago professional athletes. 8. Bobby “The Golden Jet” Hull, Blackhawk’s winger 7. Bill “Swish” Nicholson, Cubs clean-up hitter. 6. Clyde ”Bulldog” Turner Bears center. 5. “Jungle” Jim Rivera, White Sox center fielder 4. Benny “The Bat” McRae Bears defensive back 3. “Stormin”
Norman Van Lier, Bulls guard 1, Walter “No Neck” Williams, WhiteSox outfielder Music was made for lists. Billboard’s Top 100, Casey Kasem’s American Top Forty, and Bob Kingsley’s American Country Countdown are weekly staples. My music lists are more narrowly focused. Like the Top 10 best written country songs with funny titles. Note; Drop Kick Me Jesus Through The Goal Posts of Life was not a well-written tune, it was just a song with a funny name. That’s also true of “I Went Home at 2 With a 10 and Woke Up at 10 With a 2” and “I’d Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than Have a Frontal Lobotomy”. 10. The Weather Is Here, Wish You Were Beautiful—Jimmy Buffet 9. She’s Workin’ Like Hell To Get Me To Heaven—George Strait 8. You Can’t Have Your Kate and Edith Too—Statler Bros. 7. I’d Be Better Off In a Pine Box on A Slow Train Bound for Georgia—Doug Stone 6. It’s Too Hot To Fish and Too Cold At Home—Mark Chestnut 5. Heaven’s Just a Sin Away—The Kendall’s 4. She’s Acting Single, I’m Drinkin’ Doubles-Gary Stewart 3. If I Said You Had a Beautiful Body Would You Hold It Against Me—The Bellamy Brothers 2. She’s Out Doin’ What I’m Here Doin’ Without –Gene Watson 1. Every Time You Throw Dirt On Her You Lose A Little Ground—George Strait For internet fans
there’s the ten most “out around” web sites (at least the 10 strangest
suitable for a family newspaper) 10.The Empty Bowl.com (devoted to discussion and reviews of ready to eat cereal.
9.
The Deadballer.com (dedicated to deceased major 8. Dullmen.com (Exclusively for dull men. Do you qualify? You do if you celebrate April as National Read a Roadmap Month? 7. uglydress.com (an archive of the world’s ugliest bride’s maids dresses 6. slanguage.com (Talk like a local In over 50 cities. “Want to sound like you’re from minnysoda eh? Well by golly stay out of the cities when the Iowegians come to town for a twinkies game, ya know”. 5. Skinema.com (movie and tv stars with skin disorders.) 4. Farts.com (Based upon my grandsons this site should appeal to boys age 4-8 for whom “Toots” are more than humorous, they’re fall on the floor and giggle til you wet your pants funny. 3. CrazyKent.com (The journal of a guy traveling the country in a garbage can) 2. WickedIntellect.com (Try to catch a fly with chopsticks) 1. olympictrans.ru/fun/img/wildhand (So weird and really, really cool. You won’t believe the animal hands.)
12. January (no redeeming value) 11. December (Christmas shopping and bad skiing) 10. July (heat) 8. August (like July but adjacent to September) 7. November (golf plus Thanksgiving) 6. May (good biking and the Rockies are in the pennant race) 5. June (Rockies out of it but Bronco’s just around the corner) 4. February (“killer snow”) 3. March (February with warmer weather) 2. September (Fall 1. October Rocks!) Some subjects do defy prioritization. Detailing the “Top 10 city logo’s” according to ‘You Said It” is totally impossible. |
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