September 8, 2004
Simplify

Simply, simplify, simplify.  That was the message from the baldheaded guy on PBS.  The Saturday morning fishing show on ESPN2 had gone to commercial so I channel surfed stopping to hear what the chrome dome had to offer.  He was deep into simplification of one’s universe but then paused so Trudy with the bone in her hair could beg for money.  Trudy’s stern visage and whiny manner quickly sent me back to watching the good ol’ boy catch bass.  But I mulled the message about cutting down to the basics and decided that rather than rush in to simplification I’d take it one step at a time.  Like starting with my billfold 

There was a time long, long ago (I was sixteen) in a place far away  (Illinois) when both my billfold and I were skinny.  The only objects residing in the smooth leather billfold in the rear pocket of my J C Penney jeans were a driver’s license, social security card and a couple of bucks. 

Two years later came college and to the billfold in the back pocket of my chino wash pants was added a second driver’s license (fake id) and a draft card.  Why a draft card had to be on one’s person at all times was a real mystery but it was indeed required by law.  Many’s the time I wondered if a special wing of a federal prison existed to exclusively house folks found guilty of either not carrying a draft card or ripping the sticker off their mattress. 

At age twenty-two billfold life was remained manageable.  In the rear pocket of my Crickateer suit pants added to the wallet contents were a Phillips 66 credit card and a picture of a girlfriend.  While the gas card remained static until rendered useless by the parent company (something about past dues needing to be remedied) the girlfriend picture seemed to be ever changing. 

Ten years later the billfold still managed to cope with an ever-increasing load to carry.  In the rear pocket of my Sans-a Belt slacks one found a picture of my wife, four or five daughter pictures, a Sears’s credit card, a Bank Americard, a library card and a claim check for dry cleaning.  For three decades billfold life was sweet. 

Jump forward in time to today and that same wallet is stressed for space. The back of my pants have been ground zero for a plastic explosion.  One credit card is no longer enough, there must be both MasterCard and Visa.  Then you’ll also find a debit and ATM card.   While the financial industry has been instrumental in creating a billfold space problem their impact is minimal compared to grocery stores.  Here on the lee side of the Rockies one has to have a City Market, Albertson’s and Safeway card to take full advantage of in store savings and keep track of latte purchases.  Like a Salt Lake City speakeasy, Sam’s Club requires a card just to get in the front door. 

Additional “must carry” documents in today’s billfold include pictures of the grandkids, a Triple A card, a health insurance card to which will soon be added a Medicare card, a Shiner’s Car Wash “VIP” card (ten punches and you get a free scrub of old Betsy), a Golden Age Passport (free entrance to the Monument on bike rides), a pamphlet listing the tee time phone numbers of Colorado public golf courses, and a Noodles & Co. loyal customer card (it’s my favorite Denver fast foodery). 

So far all the only objects purged from my wallet are a St. Paul Saints home schedule (handed to me by an usher when I was there a month ago) the Paris Las Vegas frequent user card from a golf trip in February and the card of a stockbroker I met 2 years ago at the Blue Moon.