November 30, 2005
Got Goat

The next “big” thing.  Every financial windfall blowing through our land the past 3 or 4 decades whistled right past my door.  Be it dot com stock, hula hoops, pet rocks or three dollar latte’s whenever a mania was in the germination stage Maynard stood on the sidelines saying, “You’ve got to be kidding.”  Every time I was dead wrong.  That’s about to end. 

The single factor all “next big things” seem to have in common is starting in the West.  Be it Nike’s, Microsoft, Starbuck’s or Google, the breezes blowing windfall profits chart the same course as the prevailing jet streams, blowing west to east.  With the beacon for untold riches seeming to shine brightest on the Left Coast, the need for greed causes me to religiously peruse the Los Angeles Times online edition.  Thanks to the reporting of Jerry Hirsch last week there’s a ground floor opportunity out west with the potential to make you and I the next Gates or Buffett.   

According to the Times, America could soon be “goat meat” crazy.  “What?” you laugh.  “Nobody in their right mind eats goat.” There you go with exactly the kind of “in the box” thinking that left me on the outside looking in while others rolled in dough.   Today California goat meat is so mainstream it’s available to shoppers at the Whole Foods market in Glendale.  With the San Fernando Valley on board, it’s only a matter of time before the goat craze spreads east consuming our nation. 

Marvin Shurley, president of the American Meat Goat Association, is quoted, “Goat producers are standing in one of the most enviable positions of any agriculture industry in the United States.” 

It’s up to us to take advantage.  Remember thirty years ago when late night television was filled with infomercials on how to get rich in the Chinchilla business?  Supposedly all one had to do was buy a pair of the over priced furry weasels and the horny little devils would re-produce the owner into financial independence.  Why wouldn’t the same be true for goats?   Besides selling goats through an 800 number, we’ll assist folks needing acreage to raise their livestock.  A TV program on “How to buy a goat ranch with no money down” would not only help people get their goat but also buy the farm.  

Imagine nationwide goat mania powered by great slogans like, “Got Goat” or ” Goat, it’s not just for breakfast”, or “Goat, the other red meat.” 

Most likely the Food Channel will be all over our goatapalooza as Emeril, Rachel Ray and Bobby Flay feature  “Cooking with Goat” shows.  We’ll publish cookbooks on the best way to curry a goat, serve a most appetizing birria stew or prepare goat fricassee. 

Ted Turner leads the way for buffalo advocates in America.   His “Ted’s Montana Grill” chain serves buffalo nationwide.  Let’s copy Ted and franchise Goatburger restaurants from coast to coast. 

The biggest drawback to our goatatization of America is folks don’t seem to like the taste. TheTimes says goat tastes like lamb only much gamier.  Goat and “Yum-Yum” seem to be rarely heard in the same sentence.  We’ll just have to market goat meat to health food fanatics.  “Goat, tastes yucky but so good for you.” will be our marketing mantra.  That’s not a winner?  It worked for tofu.  Compared to tofu goat meat should be a walk in the park.