May 11, 2005
Carp

The end of the world is at hand.  We now have visible proof of the decline and fall of civilization as we know it.  Forget about trouble in the Middle East, the prognostications of doom found in “Revelations” or the Red Sox winning the World Series as proof the Apocalypse is at hand.   The ultimate sign the end is near came last week when I stumbled upon a website dedicated to fostering and nurturing the “carp” as “the world’s greatest sport fish. 

Just go to carpanglersgroup.com and not only will you be greeted by the sterling photo of a handsome devil in a black t-shirt and glasses holding a monster uglyfish but all sorts of interesting tid bits dealing with matters carp.  Like carping articles, carp links, and pictures of carp.

Growing up in the Mid-West long ago, carp ranked somewhere between rattlesnakes and thistles on life’s popularity scale.  What’s a carp you ask?  Well, when one takes their cane pole and bobber out for a day on the lake or river bank and catches a fish that when pulled from the water looks as though it is trying to kiss you, chances are it’s a carp.  While I have never considered fish as being the most attractive members of God’s Kingdom, the carp takes ugly to a whole new level in the world of fins and gills. 

Obviously, beauty is in the eye of the beholder but it stretches the imagination to think anyone who “be holdin’” a carp would think it pretty.  However, the CAG (Carp Anglers Group) has, as it stated goals, to “Gain acceptance of the carp as an exciting and challenging sport fish and to treat the carp with respect.”  Really. 

The website details “Where to Find Carp.”  Like this is a problem?  That’s like asking where one finds flies, mosquitoes or crickets.  Carp are found wherever there’s water, down to and including large mud puddles. The website also features an article on the History of Carp by Al Kowaleski telling us more than we want to know, i.e. “after World War II many prominent restaurants and hotels served carp on the menu such as those at the Waldorf and Astoria listing “Carp in Rhine Wine Sauce.”   

I’ve always been led to believe the best way to serve carp was to nail the fish to a board, bake for an hour, take it out of the oven, throw the carp away and eat the board. 

Speaking of things not so tasty, in an article entitled “Dough Ball 101”, one learns recipes for carp bait.  There’s the “Dough Ball Delight” involving water, vanilla, honey and cornmeal mixed in a pot of boiling water, the Jell-O Dough Ball requiring “strawberry” Jell-O and the Bouncing Dough Ball, it has something to do with cinnamon.   The author goes on “the above recipes do not even begin to scratch the surface (as the saying goes) of carp bait possibilities.”  However, he neglected to mention the time-tested favorites of my youth, lures guaranteeing carp fishing success, M-80’s, cherry bombs and dynamite caps. 

It’s doubtful those baits will be allowed at the 2005 World Carp Fishing Championships to be held June 5-10 or the “Carp Across America” event scheduled for later the same month. 

For “aFISHanados” wanting to be on the leading edge of fashion in an “all carp” wardrobe, there’s logo T-shirts and Carp Camo Caps.  The headgear, obviously aimed at anglers wishing to sneak up on carp while blending in to the surrounding ditch bank, must be ordered at a different website, WackerBaits.com.