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July
20, 2005 |
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“I’m a very good
driver, Dad lets me drive in the driveway.” So said Raymond, Tom Cruise’s
autistic brother, played by Dustin Hoffman, in “Rain Man.” And aren’t we
all convinced “I’m a really good driver.” People admit to any number of
shortcomings, the total lack of basic math skills, a constant struggle with
things mechanical, why some folks even ‘fess up’ to being less than perfect
in the bedroom. But no one in the history of mankind ever acknowledged,
“When it comes to driving, I really suck. The automotive world should pull
off the road and hide when I get behind the wheel.” While the first human ever to admit to being a lousy driver has yet to be born, the rest of the adult world is more than willing to point out behind the wheel transgressions of fellow citizens. You Said It, the Daily Sentinel’s weekend compendium of intellectual thought, is an ongoing litany of continual carping about the automotive mis-adventures of Colorado West. Be it driving too fast, roundabout navigational errors, driving too slow or being a turn signal illiterate, You Said It contributors have had it right up to here with the locally citizenry’s lack of automotive etiquette. Much like the military parade watching mom who remarked as her son’s battalion marched by, “Oh look, everyone is out of step but my Johnnie.” folks seem convinced it’s only “other guys” who constitute a behind the wheel menace. But do the really, really bad drivers live in our neighborhood? Not according to GMAC Insurance. They released a state by state study determining nearly 20 million Americans, about 1 in 10 drivers, would fail a driver’s test if they had to take one today. You Said It to the contrary, Colorado did not finish in last place among continental states and the District of Columbia. Why Hawaii and Alaska weren’t included wasn’t mentioned, perhaps they declined to incriminate themselves under First Amendment rights. Colorado finished 21st. At least the Centennial State was in the upper half of the class. That’s the bright side. Sadly we finished behind Nebraska. But the Bugeaters can’t be too puffed up. They trailed Iowa. The winners? Look to the Northwest as Washington and Oregon went 1 and 2. The fact Washington finished first in a drivers test must have come as a real shock to those Seattle drivers who do daily rush hour “green flag racing” on I-5 and I-90. Just where are the worst drivers? Rhode Island, would you believe. Their new license plate slogan might read, “Tiny yes, but leading the nation in driver incompetence.” Any motorist ever taking life in their hands driving in the Northeast will be anything but shocked to learn the big losers are, from bottom up, Rhode Island, Massachusetts, New Jersey, New York, Washington D.C. and Maryland. The only folks thankful the Northeast is the worst of the lot are Californians who would have finished last were it not for the “Dukes of Hazard” along the Atlantic. Not to be outdone by GMAC Insurance, Suncorp, an Australian company, studied 160,000 accident claims over 3 years and determined the worst drivers by astrological signs. The losers? Gemini’s, supposedly they’re restless and easily bored, have more accidents than any other sign followed by folks born under the signs of Taurus and Pisces. That categorizes any Gemini living in Rhode Island as a behind the wheel suicide jockey. The article didn’t mention where Librans finished but I’m sure we’re the safest. Libra’s my sign and “I’m a very good driver.” As opposed to you, the road menace we read about inYou Said It. |
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