August 24, 2005
Orange Milk

Limits.  We all have one. I finally reached mine when it comes to the Bronco’s. 

From Steve Tensi to “Half a Loaf” Lou Saban, Marlin Briscoe to Willie Middlebrooks I’ve overlooked the myriad Bronco mistakes the past almost 40 years with an absolute faith that cream and the Denver footballers would invariably rise to the top.  But now they’ve gone too far for even this Bronco fanatic.  Orange milk? 

So sayeth the business section of a Denver newspaper last week.  The Western Colorado Dairy Council will roll out Denver Broncos orange-flavored milk next month across our Mile High state. 

It’s not that I’m down on Bronco endorsed products.  Once upon a time a couple of boxes of Elway’s Comeback Crunch graced our pantry shelves.  Popcorn is not a personal favorite but my wife is a borderline popcornaholic, so a can of Hot Rod’s (Smith) Poppin’ Microwave Popcorn was slipped into the grocery cart.  Not to steal from Dixie’s food column, found elsewhere in today’s Sentinel, Ed McCaffery’s Horseradish Sauce absolutely rocks.  It’s perfect in a shrimp dip, killer good when mixed with bar-b-que sauce and painted on a slab of baby backs and a taste sensation when slathered on a BLT.   I’m always trying to stay a few bottles ahead for fear that, since Eddie Mac has retired from the Broncos, they’ll do the same with his horseradish sauce. 

But orange milk?  Possibly growing up in the dairy business turned me into a milk purist (snob) but even I eventually adjusted to the taste of skim, excuse me fat free, as our refrigerated beverage of choice.  In an effort to reach out and experience the wide range of milk varieties, our refrigerator has welcomed buttermilk, eggnog and, when the grandchildren come to visit, chocolate.  But orange? 

Mile High Milk will come to us in 8 and 16 ounce bottles wrapped in, did you have any doubt, orange and blue labels, and will taste like a mix between Creamsicle and orange sorbet.  The press release went on to say the 2 percent orange milk has more calories and sugar than the regular white stuff but the Western Dairy Council says it’s still much better than soda and other sweetened drinks.  

Though the Bronco’s are currently the only NFL team with a milk deal, “Hey, we haven’t won a playoff game since John but we have our own milk!” if successful in our neck of the woods, the trend will undoubtedly roll out across the NFL nation.  The Chiefs will feature strawberry milk, the Browns chocolate and the Vikings blueberry or something of that ilk approximating purple.  Your guess is as good as mine when it comes to “Raider” milk but know that consuming such a concoction will cause your front teeth to fall out and IQ to be halved. 

In Wisconsin, where the slogan is, “Come Smell our Dairy Air”, can you imagine even the most ardent of Cheese Head Packer Fans chugging milk that’s green and gold?  Maybe if beer colored they’d at least sample the product but not milk colored the same as a John Deere.