October 18, 2006
Greatest Inventions
of Our Lifetime

It was one of those after dinner, middle of the second, maybe even third, glass of wine, conversations.  “What” queried a dinner companion, “were the truly life changing inventions of your lifetime?” 

Having walked the earth over sixty per cent of the 20^th century, attempting to quantify the science and technology miracles during a time of constant change, in the words of the snowboarding set is, “heavy dude”.   Life today, it’s so much easier thanks to the gritty determination exhibited by generations of engineers and scientists.  To single out the “best of the best”, in terms of their impact on life, finds myriad choices, computers to penicillin, lemon Pledge to spandex.  But in no particular order the favorites would be; 

Pop top cans and twist off caps.  Only because of this quantum scientific breakthrough, it no longer matters whether or not one can locate the “church key”, (invariably missing in my life) eliminating forever opening a can of beer via punching a hole in the top with a screwdriver or a bottle of Bud with the edge of the kitchen counter, a pair of pliers, or ones teeth.  All of which can be successfully accomplished, just not without spilling or injury. 

Single serving Mac n’ Cheese.  Making life easier for college students and baby-sitting grandpas throughout the world. 

Cruise control.  How did we ever survive driving in a world where one was forced to maintain constant contact with the gas pedal, or as it was known in the ancient world of B.A.T (before automatic transmissions), the foot feed?  Once, as a much younger man, I drove non-stop from Illinois to California without cruise control and experienced nary an ache or pain.  Today, heading east on I-70 from Grand Junction, the foot tingles and the ankle throbs before reaching the Palisade exit should the cruise control malfunction. 

Lattes.  To think I quit smoking, not for health reasons, but due to cigarettes increasing in price from a quarter to thirty cents a pack and now, on an almost daily basis, suffer not the slightest twinge of tightwaditis in spending money like a congressman with his hands in the pork barrel to savor the taste bud delight of steamed milk, caffeine and vanilla that,  when combined, make mornings so special. 

Suitcase wheels.   Two questions, why did the wizards of luggage wait until the nineties to come up with this indispensable necessity and after all the suitcases I’ve lugged through life, why didn’t a light bulb of inspiration click on to the fact that by simply attaching wheels not only would the load be lightened but a patent could possibly produce income for a  lifetime? 

Spell check.  Proof positive as to the power of prayer for the “i before e except in receive” challenged and the only way I can remember how to spell milieu. 

Corn on the cob holders.  For the person desiring his Olathe Sweet immediately removed from boiling water but fearing ouchy finger syndrome when slathering the steaming hot ear with butter, the corn on the cob support system qualifies as a culinary miracle. 

And with a criteria of positive impact one must be eternally grateful to the inventors of tank tops, two-piece bathing suits and breast implants.  This oh so magical combination contributes mightily to an ogling geezers quality of life.