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December 13, 2006 |
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“The best thing about retirement?” A tough question to answer since the positives of the “everyday is Friday at four” lifestyle far outweigh the negatives, “do you get your exercise now by walking at the mall?” But come the holiday season, you’re reminded the number one benefit of seeing the work-a-day world in a rear view mirror. No longer is attending the company Christmas party on the “must do” list. Avoiding these unique to the holidays, forced smile gatherings with people, approximately 65% of whom you don’t mind being around, is to truly experience God’s grace. Spending an extra evening of forced frivolity with people you spend more time with than you do your own family, borders on cruel and unusual punishment. The bulk of my working life was spent in the broadcasting industry where “all you can eat and drink” Christmas parties boiled down to the stomach’s capacity for bologna sandwiches and Cragmont Diet Crème Soda. Radio station owners have a tendency to cut down on Christmas party expense by “trading out” the annual gathering with a restaurant. This exchange of a party for advertising, no cash involved, means it’s in the best interest of the foodery to schedule the gathering when it doesn’t interfere with paying customers. And that’s why many radio station Christmas parties are scheduled for the second week of January or, if it must be held before December 25th, Sunday night at 8 after the dining establishment has closed the doors to regular customers. These “I’d rather eat a live bug than go” Christmas party memories were re-kindled by a Rocky Mountain News article on holiday gatherings. Detailing alcohol fueled company Christmas party, “memories of regret”, such as brown nosing the boss to excess, or volunteering suggestions to the CEO about how they could better run the company replete with the names of employees needing to be fired within 24 hours, or being caught “canoodling” with a fellow employee, the article suggested the main goal of a holiday company gathering was to concentrate on getting through the evening without winding up as subject number one around the coffee machine the following Monday. Later in the week, Christmas partying etiquette was covered by the Wall Street Journal advising “Drinking to the point they pour you into a cab because you’ve been throwing up on everyone won’t advance your career.” No kidding. Christmas parties are even more difficult for the spouse or significant other. Here they’re introduced to people that, though they’ve never met, have been described in the most negative of terms. It’s just not polite to say, “Oh you’re Joe, the total divot from accounting who keeps rejecting my husband’s expense accounts” or “Nice to meet you Bud and if you don’t quit hitting on my wife in the break room there’s going to be no problem on using up the deductible on the company health insurance.” Much like New Year’s Eve, St. Patrick’s Day or any other event where the theme is “have fun and that’s an order” the company Christmas party usually falls short of expectations. Not that all office Christmas party memories are downers. Heading home from the annual holiday reverie a warm feeling flows through the body caused by the knowledge it’s at least six months before the company picnic. |