December 6, 2006
Wanted one, or two, famous Nebraskans

A crisis in our midst.  Why it wasn’t a campaign issue last month defies description.  But the plain unvarnished truth is our Mile High State, the Colorado we know and love, is being out Hall of Famed by our Bugeater neighbors to the East. 

Not that Colorado’s purpled mountain majesty is totally devoid of Hall of Fames, which, for brevity’s sake, we’ll shorten to HOF.  We do host the National Mining HOF in Leadville, Colorado Springs is home to the Rodeo Cowboys HOF and in Crested Butte one may visit the Mountain Bike HOF. 

But HOF’s are epidemic in Huskerland.  It could threaten Colorado’s tourist industry.  All those motorists driving across Nebraska to vacation in Colorado may change course and never get past Ogallala when they realize the fun filled hours awaiting the whole family at the Nebraska Dental HOF, the Nebraska Volunteer Firefighters HOF and in Dannenbrog the National Liars HOF.  But it doesn’t stop there.  Not when there’s also the National Auctioneers Auxiliary HOF, the Nebraska Poultry HOF and the Nebraska Autobody Association HOF “recognizing individual contributions to the collision repair industry.” 

My wife should have been nominated for the Autobody HOF after making a huge contribution to the collision repair industry when totaling the family van in an I-70 dust storm, but since the accident was in Colorado she was precluded from membership in the Nebraska Autobody HOF.

Does Colorado, and it’s oh so few HOF’s, face competition from other states?  Well not Utah.  The Beehive State struggles to maintain a HOF profile.  There’s the Hollywood Stuntman’s HOF in Moab, currently homeless according to their website.  

Other Utah HOF attractions appear limited to the Utah Technology Council HOF and the University of Utah Chess Club HOF. Chess in Utah seems to be played by more than mere mortals.  According to the club history, “In the 70’s & 80’s there were many characters like Fat Freddie, the Shribe and Olsen who only went to the bathroom once a day at 5 p.m.  Bob Decker was a fixture.  Later he was to pick a fight with a group of Nazi’s.  They fire bombed his house in South Salt Lake and later he was found drowned out by the airport.”  More reasons why I don’t play chess.  

Meanwhile in Nebraska HOF proliferation continues unabated.  There’s the Nebraska Rock n Roll HOF, “not affiliated with the Rock n Roll HOF in Cleveland” for those who might confuse recent inductees Bee and the Bumbles with the Rolling Stones, the Nebraska Softball HOF, their slogan possibly “take a strike and hit behind the runner” and last, and certainly least, the Nebraska Radio Personalities HOF.  The disc jockey HOF listed no slogan so one must imagine it to be, “Remember call letters into and out of every break!”  

The one question needing to be asked, “Is there anyone famous in a Nebraska HOF?”   Officials are rumored to be working on the problem.  Nebraska does indeed have famous people.  They’re all named Warren Buffet.  Huskers just don’t know whether to put their famous guy in the Nebraska Surveyors HOF, the Nebraska Racing HOF or the Van Sickle Paints Trucker HOF.   Poor Bugeaters.  So many HOF’s, so few famous folk.