April 12, 2006
Peeps

Who knew?  Not me.  At a family gathering a couple of weeks past, the wife of Jan’s nephew, (would that make her my niece-in-law by marriage?), was totally pumped about Easter merchandise populating retail shelves from Tiffany’s to Sam’s Club.  She was particularly excited about “Peeps” being in season.  “Peeps?” said I.  Her body language suggested I might as well have uttered, “Who’s Jessica Simpson?” or “Madonna?” 

Peeps, it turns out, is a brand name given those minute marshmallow birds, baby chicks maybe, usually yellow but also available in purple, pale red and white, that much of the free world seems to find irresistible.  The Peeps website, and if you’re surprised a colored marshmallow has a website, you ain’t heard nothin’ yet, there’s also a fan club, claims Diane Sawyer, Emeril Lagasse and Ellen DeGeneres as devoted fans.   

But not moi.  Marshmallows, to these taste buds, fall in the rubbery, tasteless, glop of sugar category.  When placed near a fire, marshmallow’s consistency changes from rubbery to runny.  This should not necessarily be classified as an improvement. Summertime’s favorite campfire activity of marshmallow roasting has long found you know whom totally deficient in toasting skills.  Maybe it’s the Type A lack of patience, but 15 seconds seems to be the maximum amount of time one can dance the marshmallow around flames edge before being overcome by the dreaded “Oh what the hell” emotional wave that causes the involuntary plunging of said marshmallow into the heart of the fire only to be retrieved as a blackened briquette. And if you find my marshmallow toasting skills lacking, they’re absolutely major league when compared to the slash and burn technique practiced on s’mores.  That’s truly disgusting. 

Other nuggets of information gleaned from the Peepsville website include, “people like to do curious things with Peeps.  Eat them stale, freeze them, or use as pizza topping.”  May I hear a big “yum-yum”?  When your own website proclaims many prefer your product “stale”, it might be time to have a discussion or two with the folks back in quality control.  

While Peeps claim to be the top selling non-chocolate Easter candy (a category much in common with Cherlize Theron’s elbow, you assume it exists but never really gave it any thought) Peeps are also available at Halloween, Christmas and Valentine’s Day.  One would expect a protest over the mongrelization of Peeps heretofore Easter exclusivity at the fan club site but there were no recorded objections.  Peeps fanatics must have been too busy submitting their favorite Peeps memory to the website in the hopes the “mayor of Peepsville” would pick it to “appear on the Peeps Post where fans across the nation will adore you.”  Or so says the website.