April 19, 2006
PC LA

And the pc winner is??? Los Angeles.  To be first in political correctness is no small accomplishment. Competition is fierce.  Throughout our land every person, organization or nationality has it’s own anti-defamation league always on the 24/7 alert for the latest egregious example of their particular being called out in the most discriminatory of ways. The only two groups that struggle through life without the protection of their own personal pc police are Iowans and white, balding, overweight geezers.  Despite thousands of competitors in the pc race, the City of Angels is a slam-dunk winner for taking political correctness to new heights. 

An LA Times story headlined MTA Squabbles Over Hue-Mongus Decision reported that Los Angeles and its expanding transit system were running out of colors.  They have the Red Line, Blue Line, Green Line, Orange Line and Gold Line.  What to name a new route? 

There was some thought of christening the new rails the “Aqua Line” because they ran to Westwood, home of UCLA and the aqua and gold Bruins. This angered the USC community as the route also runs near their campus.  USC representatives felt the mere mention of associating the new line with anything UCLA was a slap in the face to the women and men of Troy.  SC alums insisted the new route be called the “Cardinal” line.  No explanation is necessary detailing what University proudly wears cardinal and gold.  LA Mayor Antonio Villaraigossa entered the fray with an exhibition of fence straddling guaranteed to elicit admiration from politician’s worldwide.  He favored the route being called Cardinal until it passed USC campus at which point, while the train was in motion, the name would be changed to “aqua” until reaching UCLA.   

Consensus was finally achieved in a small way on the MTA board with a majority agreeing the Mayor’s suggestion was, at best,  “dumb”.  Transit officials were also worried about being branded racists if the new route were to be named “Black” or “Brown” because it ran through some African-American and Hispanic neighborhoods.  Naming the new route the “white” line was also rejected.  Not because of a fear of alienating Caucasian neighborhoods but due to cartographer’s concerns a white line wouldn’t be visible on transit maps. 

Since the new route was built with a 4.8 billion dollar price tag many fiscal conservatives were recommending it be named the “platinum” line. 

New York City’s subway system is alphabetical in nature with the B train running to Yankee Stadium and the F train to Queens, etc.  Why some enterprising trial lawyer hasn’t taken the New York Transit Authority to court for discriminating against the illiterate is indeed a surprise but expect that lawsuit to be filed at some future date. 

Locally, Grand Valley Transit appears to function well coming and going by the numbers.  Route 8 runs to Fruita, 6 to Orchard Mesa and 7 makes the trip out and back from 12^th and Orchard to Mesa Mall.  One might suggest the same numerical system as a solution to the LA dilemma but if the alphabet presents an insurmountable academic challenge to Angelino’s, complicated numbers like one, two, three or four will most likely be viewed as some form of calculus or differential equation. 

“Tip the world on its side and everything loose will wind up in Los Angeles”- Frank Lloyd Wright