May 31, 2006
Maybe I Could Be a
Nothing Consultant

Poway, I’m there for you.  Under the “Aw c’mon” category, a recent USA Today article detailed how hard Poway, California has worked the past year to promote an evening where residents citywide do absolutely nothing. 

It seems the citizens of Poway (an upscale San Diego burb) found themselves in a collective twit dealing with their busy, hectic, overscheduled lives.  Guilt was rampant, fairly oozing from their Powayvian pores over soccer games, Junior League, golf outings, careers, service clubs, after school activities, church and yard work overwhelming their lives.  So Poway, almost a year ago, selected May 22^nd, 2006 as a night when, from five ‘til nine, citizens would be encouraged to do nothing.  It would be a special night set aside to “stop and smell the roses”, “watch the clouds drift by” a yada, yada, yada touchy-feely sort of thing so unique to So Cal environs. 

And we haven’t even reached the strange part.  To bring about a four-hour stretch offering relief from over-scheduling, Poway-ites have been involved for the past year in forming committees to figure out how to do zilch.  For almost twelve months brains have been stormed, focus groups have Gestalted and guidance has been sought on how entire families could figure out a way take four hours out of their lives and dedicate those 240 minutes to no accomplishment what so ever. 

As anyone who knows me can attest, at no time would I find the motivation to accomplish absolutely nothing a bad thing, some folks claim it’s my personal mantra.  But why work so hard trying to learn the ins and outs of being un-productive when all they had to do was call?  I’m an expert on the subject to the point where references can be supplied.  Just last week my wife interrupted a TV fishing show (no I don’t fish but when it comes to doing nothing, fishing shows have to be right at the top of any vapidity list) to ask that my feet be elevated so she could vacuum in front of the couch.  Eager to be of assistance the lower extremities were moved left then right causing her exclaim,  “You really can do nothing with the best of them.”  And please know my wife doesn’t hand out compliments haphazardly, you have to earn them.  But all modesty aside, she’s right. The only reason I haven’t written a book on the subject is it takes too much effort.  

But someone else did.  A guy named Carl Honore penned In Praise of Slowness, detailing how Europeans, working together, have truly elevated the art of doing nothing.  Really, who would have guessed?  

There were no news reports detailing the success or failure of last week’s Poway evening dedicated to doing nothing.  Hopefully teachers agreed to assign no homework, pastors cancelled group meetings, the Junior League was able to put off their bake sale until the next day and maybe even Tony Robbins was able to re-schedule his “Unleash The Power Within” seminar.  Undoubtedly a night off from practice hampered soccer and Little League coaches, what with the All-Star team selection process so close at hand. 

We’ll only know the evening was a success when the teenagers of Poway, surrounded by the always 75 and sunny beaches of Southern California can look their parents in the eye and say with a straight face, “There’s nothing for kids to do around here.”