June 14, 2006
Learning How to Speak Dad

Father’s Day.  It’s next Sunday and, to be truthful, not the most exciting of holidays.  You’re thinking, “Oh I need to get a card for Dad and some kind of gift.  We’ll pick something up on the way to the Father’s Day brunch.  Wonder where he’s taking us?” 

Father’s Day doesn’t come close to having the emotional tug attached to Mother’s Day.  Most likely this is due to the fact fathers are not your “emotionally nurturing”, “touchy-feely, oh c’mere and give me a hug” kind of person.  That’s Mom’s job.   

How does one explain fathers?  With difficulty, because that’s exactly the kind of thing dads don’t like to talk about. Dads are way more into sports, the Dow-Jones and “If you want Example A of what’s wrong with this country just start with Congress” than in discussing emotions.  Oh deep down, Dads picture themselves as being more like Dr. Huxtable on the Cosby show than the Dad seen on Everybody Loves Raymond re-runs but the truth is found somewhere in-between. 

Sal Schaefer gave me a book attempting to explain Dads.  Written by Cathy Hamilton, it’s entitled Dadisms.   

Dads, it seems, are not exactly unique when it comes to dispensing advice.  The father fraternity possesses a collective pattern.  For instance, no matter what sport they’re coaching, Dad’s everywhere urge their charges to, “Keep your eye on the ball”, “Thataway to swing the bat”, (said after your 5^th consecutive strikeout) and “Thataway to shoot the ball” (said after 10^th consecutive missed shot). 

Childhood injuries from pinched fingers, to hit by the pitch, sidewalk falls, scraping knees and elbows to running barefoot into a sprinkler head are greeted by “Laugh it off”, “Walk it off”, “Shake it Off” or at last resort, “A little dirt and blood never hurt anybody.” 

Speaking of tears, my standard advice to a sobbing daughter was, “Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about!” until my wife softly mentioned, “Not to start an argument, but it appears she already has something to cry about.” 

Of course, some Dad responses have had to change with time.  “Go look it up in the dictionary” has been replaced by “type it like it sounds on the computer and then hit spell check”; while the old saw, “I walked two miles to school and back uphill both ways” has morphed into “when I was your age we had to walk clear across the room just to change the program on TV.  And we only had three channels to choose from.” 

To explain a Dad one must notice what they do rather than what they say.  Fathers continually complain about money, “How come the First National Bank of Dad is always open and the loan never gets paid back” but then just before you head out for a night with friends, he’ll ask, “You okay on dough?’ and slip a twenty in your hand.   

Dads are also known to say, “Call your mother, she worries about you.”  Like he doesn’t.

And sometimes Dads say exactly what’s on their mind.  Like when your leaving the Fathers Day brunch and along with a good-bye hug he whispers, “Love you.”