June 7, 2006
All of a Sudden
Grey Hair is Oh So Cool

America’s voted.  The results recorded.  And our new favorite color?  Grey?    

You haven’t noticed? In show business, the self-proclaimed barometer of life in our land, grey is “in”.  Jay Leno, the after the 10 o’clock news guy, sports a grey mop.  Anderson Cooper of CNN, on the East Coast he is the 10 o’clock news, faces the camera with a head topped in solid grey.  And the latest American Idol, the person receiving more votes than either presidential candidate in the last election despite Simon Cowell calling him “a man who dances as badly as a drunken father at his daughter’s wedding”, 29 year old Taylor Hicks, has grey hair. 

Even today’s mega-movie heart throbs feature locks of grey.  Richard Gere is way past salt and pepper, and the hunkiest of hunks, George Clooney is, you guessed it, grey. 

No grey-haired ladies?  Au contraire.  The world’s all-time greatest chick singer, Emmylou Harris, has sported the greyest of manes for the past two decades and the TV trailer for “X-Men: The Last Stand” shows one of its stars, eye-candy extraordinaire, Halle Barry, with shaggy locks of grey. 

The fact that more and more folks are returning to their roots, grey though they may be, has been trumpeted by the readers of life’s tea leaves as a welcome sign Americans are becoming more comfortable with who they really are.  One would imagine that’s bad news for L-Oreal and other “get the grey out” hair conditioners.  And, to be quite honest, it doesn’t mean much to we who are rootless, those among you facing life with skin colored hair. 

Who are baldies supposed to identify with?  On today’s television schedule, the only heads not having to worry about how their hair looks are Dr. Phil, Dick Vitale, Barry Bonds, and the Dr. at the end of Viagra commercial.  So the role models for the follicley challenged are a screaming mimi basketball announcer, the big lump whose specialty is making women cry before philosophizing at the end of his show about the path to a better life, it usually involves buying one of his books, America’s most despised sports icon and the guy who does the “downer” part of an “upper” commercial.  

Not to be overly defensive, but in the TV spot for the afore mentioned “little blue pill”, those of us who go through life lacking the ingredients for even a bad comb-over can’t help but notice it’s the guy with more hair on his head than an Old English Sheepdog getting the good news whispered in his ear by a beautiful lady while old Dr. Baldy lays out the grim details about “occasional” side effects.  

The world of politics is no different with grey hair getting top line designation.  The Democrats have Bill, the Republicans, Dubya and both are grey.  The best we baldies can do is Dick “ready, fire, aim” Cheney. The last bald headed president was Dwight Eisenhower, commander in chief so long ago I had hair. 

Where are the role models for shiny pate people?  It could be no-hair country superstars Tim McGraw and Kenny Chesney.  But they refuse to appear in public sans a Stetson leaving us Al Roker on Today and WWF’s “Stone Cold” Steve Austin.  Or we could subscribe to “if you can’t join ‘em, beat’em” and root for Brad Pitt’s hair to fall out.