July 5, 2006
Summer Vacation -
A Timed Event

With the 4^th of July in the rear-view mirror, it’s officially vacation season.  Time for tires to be rotated, oil changed and the family limo lubed in preparation for summer’s annual hiatus.  If only we captains of the ship could do a better job getting the wife and family to put on a “game face” when it comes to making the journey.  But they just refuse to grasp the dynamics of a car trip.

Someone needs to write a book, Women are from Venus, Men are from NASCAR, a tome enlightening non-males that any trip requiring more than an hour is not only the opportunity for new experiences but also a timed event.  Elapsed time is ingrained in the male DNA. 

Every red-blooded American male’s memory is a detailed repository of trips past and the exact driving time of said journey.  The male mind is an amalgam of personal records (PR) demanding future trips to like destinations be of a shorter duration than previous journeys. 

Our family of five made many trips to California.  (PR 14 hours 46 minutes from Grand Junction to Jan’s brother’s in San Luis Obispo 1992)   Driving west, with time of the essence, a driver has significant worries, cops on I-15, rush hour in Las Vegas, sig alerts on the San Berdue, one would think the least family members could do is be organized for faster pit stops i.e. the fill the car’s tank and empty yours pause approximately every 350 miles.  When the driver is thoughtful enough to announce 100, 50 and 10 miles out of an impending stop for gas in Cedar City, Utah and there are four females in the car about to make maximum use of the bathroom, a feat screaming for military precision, couldn’t said family members at least have their shoes on when the car stops?  But no.  Here I am gas tank filling and windshield being clean but half way through the process I’m the sole person to exit the car.  All the “we’re gonna stop” warnings and they don’t put their shoes on until the car is pumpside. I gas it up, use the men’s room, buy a truck stop latte and return to the car only to sit, wait and stew. By the time everyone is back in their seats, at least five minutes have been absolutely wasted.  Why is it only the alpha male of the family grasps the importance of returning to the super slab and pursuing that PR?   

The same factors apply heading east to visit Jan’s mother.  (Grand Junction to Boone, Iowa PR 15 hours 12 minutes 2004).  With the girls now grown and gone travel should be simplified. Right? Wrong.  Now not only are the shoes still off when the car stops but negative comments abound.  “Oh, is this a race?”  “Are we winning?”  “And why won’t you let me drive?”

Of course I’ll let her drive if there’s so much construction around Lincoln and Omaha the PR chances are ruined.  Then, we have all the time in the world.