August 23, 2006
World Peace Through Sleep

“What the world needs now is love sweet love It’s the only thing there’s way too little of”

So sang Jackie DeShannon in what could charitably be called a “medley of her hit” circa 1965.  Not to disagree with Burt Bachrach’s well meaning, albeit sappy to the max, lyric, but the omnipresent law of supply anddemand reveals myriad “things there’s way to little of” 

Gasoline, Rockies wins, members of Congress filling one with pride over being an American, and sleep come immediately to mind as continually in short supply.  While petroleum availability, Coors Field baseball and Beltway bloviators are light years beyond my expertise, getting a more than adequate daily supply of zzzz’s is not only an area of personal expertise, it’s a passion. 

Buying into the central theme of the best seller, “All You Really Need to Know You Learned in Kindergarten” it was in pre-school where I learned, and developed a deep appreciation, for both the art and science of naptime. 

Many, particularly those in the teaching profession, feel this devotion to the field of snoozeoIogy caused a personal learning disability rendering it impossible to differentiate between pre-school naps and the professorial offerings of Botany 101 or Philosophy 215.  And indeed the mere mention of “pistils and stamens” or the “angst of Nietzsche and Camus” causes the eyelids to develop a barbell like heaviness and an almost instantaneous drift to dreamland. Monday morning staff meetings and land use hearings have much the same effect. 

But many in our world are devoid of the skills necessary to achieve nap nirvana.  Lack of sleep causes irritability, increases stress and interferes with relationships.  Osama ben Laden is a perfect example.  Realize living in the desert sans air-conditioning and modern plumbing, being forced to change locations several times a day while experiencing the stress unique to having the entire US military focused on blowing your butt to kingdom come and being over forty years old and still having to live in a cave, interferes with an individuals ability to get a good nights sleep.  But had Osama learned how to nap early in life just maybe today would find him a happily married insurance salesman in Riyadh rather than a hate filled terrorist and threat to world peace. 

Just how does one develop the ability to nap?  There are drug free sleep aids available to the dozing deprived.  The single best snooze inducer, besides a Joseph Lieberman campaign speech, is television.  This is especially true on weekends when all that is required for a catnap is a couch and a TV screen tuned to professional bowling, a baseball game or the bald headed guy with a sweater draped over his shoulders on PBS droning on and on about living a better life.  But the ultimate TV snooze inducer is televised golf.  With birds chirping in the background and the announcer whispering, “Furyk must avoid spinning the ball back too far from the flag on his chip at sixteen,” dreamland is but seconds away.