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August 9, 2006 |
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What in the world are they thinking? A People magazine review of the new movie “Miami Vice” also featured a “Where Are They Now?” sidebar discussing the original Crockett and Tubbs, Phillip Michael Thomas and Don Johnson. The article mentioned Johnson 57, and his wife, recently welcomed their 5th child. In the past prominent males, Frank Gifford and Tony Randall come to mind, fathered children while deep into the geezer stage of their lives. Not wanting to be left out women are getting into the act. A British psychologist aged 62 recently had a child and a couple of years back a 66 year old Rumanian set the record for the oldest woman in recorded history to give birth. While we didn’t host all five at once, the past three weeks have seen grandchildren, either in pairs or solo, hanging out at our abode. And after just three weeks of 24/7 responsibility for our daughters offspring, I’m more than reasonably certain people choosing to have babies after the age of forty, let alone waiting until past sixty, are certifiable nut cases gone ‘round the bend, over the edge and off the deep end. Please know my grandchildren are world class. Given the slightest conversational opening, I’ll bore you into a terminal stupor making death seeming a highly viable alternative with endless tales of their athletic superiority, natural beauty and IQ’s that would turn Albert Einstein green with envy. But all day, everyday, with youngsters age 9, 6, 4, 3 and 1 is not in the Almighty’s plan for the Lipitor generation. Parenting was intended for adults half my age and keep in mind grandpas, have the easy part, Oh little girls do indeed love their grandpa. Seeing him triggers a Pavlovian response that grandma, the real object of their affection, is nearby. Little girls know grandma is best for hugs, treats, tea parties, whispered secrets, kissing boo-boos, reading books, playing dress up and finding the “Wiggles” on TV and all that happens before breakfast. Grandpa’s are good for one thing, answering the question asked 349 times a day, “Where’s Grandma?” Well you won’t find her sleeping. Were it not for being a Grandma GPS system, grandpas are chopped liver for ladies four, three and one. Grandsons are 50/50 when it comes to grandparents. While grandma is the source of pancakes and toasted cheese sandwiches, grandpa’s are expected to clean fish, explain why the Rockies can’t beat the Dodgers, be excited over really cool bugs, play catch and lose at “Jacks n Fives”. (It’s a card game a little less stimulating than Old Maid) But the fun of grandchildren, little ones you can give back to their parents, would be totally exhausting on a permanent basis. Fifty-two weeks a year of being up in the night to scare monsters away, mediating family disputes over who gets to play with what toy and 18 hours a day of, “Hey Grandma watch this” wouldn’t be a highlight in the “golden years” There are some advantages to becoming parents in your sixties. Careful planning would allow a dual celebration, high school graduation and an 80th birthday party. “Cookies, milk and prunes for everyone!” Plus having children late in life would keep strong hands available for replacing fluorescent tennis balls on the front legs of your walker. |