January 31, 2007
Making Sunday Super

Super Bowl Sunday.  The Colts and “da Bears” mano y mano for world football supremacy.   And while I have a tendency to echo former Cowboys running back Duane Thomas sentiments, “If it’s the ultimate game, how come they play it again next year.” One can’t question the Super Bowl has taken its place along side St. Patrick’s Day, New Year’s Eve and the Fruita Fall Festival as a one of our country’s most celebrated events. 

For unexplained reasons, the social etiquette dictates the Super Bowl as an event never to be experienced alone.  To view the game by yourself is catamount to shirking responsibility as an American citizen.  Indeed the 2^nd busiest weekend in Las Vegas, behind New Year’s Eve, is none other than the Super Bowl.  Try explaining why people from across our land leave home, board airplanes and fly to Las Vegas and check into a hotel room to watch on TV the same game available sitting in the La-Z-Boy at home. 

Many folks avoiding the Vegas option choose to view the spectacle at a local watering hole or as a guest at a friend’s Super Bowl bash. Based upon years of watching, keeping in mind I go back to Super Bowl I, here are tips detailing whom to avoid, at all costs, sitting beside at a Super Bowl gathering. 

Avoid anyone who can’t get over the fact he played football in high school.  The first time a Bear halfback runs for five yards or a Colt wide-out catches a pass of more than ten this guy blurts, “Reminds me of the time we beat Steamboat back in ’77.  What a great game, the Sailors were favored but I caught four balls and we won going away.”  Gee how thrilling, particularly the fifth time he brings up a high school game played thirty years ago. 

Commercials have always been a Super Bowl highlight.  Companies go all out, spend tons of dough, and sometimes even conjure up messages worth watching.  Never, ever, sit next to, “And that’s what’s wrong with television, two million dollars for a commercial and our teachers are way underpaid.”  Lady, what in the world does one have to do with the other, it’s the Super Bowl and big bucks are a part of the action.  If it bothers you that much, stay home and write a letter to the editor.  Some of us actually prefer the commercials over your, oh so pc, whine. 

Also avoid the guy who attended college with a Super Bowl player, “I went to Old Siwash with the left tackle and dated a girl who tutored him.  If it weren’t for her he wouldn’t be anywhere. Let me tell you he’s dumber than a box of rocks.” 

Excuse me dude, the guy you’re calling out every time the announcer mentions his name is making a million bucks a year while you have yet to make partner.  It’s also true “Mr. Dummy” in the football uniform is most likely set for life financially plus is actually playing in a Super Bowl, as opposed to sitting in front of a TV screen and watching.   

Also run the other way from the person asking, “Explain to me again how this football pool thing works?”  That befuddled soul will be going home after the game with all the money, some of it yours, while mumbling, “I still don’t understand how I won.”