December 5, 2007
 

Life as a Virtuoso

“How do you get to Carnegie Hall?  Practice, practice, practice.” 

So exclaimed Arthur Rubenstein, pianist extraordinaire, to a lost New Yorker wishing to find the Big Apple’s best-known concert hall.  

Fortunately, the preparation necessary for performing on stage at Grand Junction’s theater jewel, the Avalon, 7th and Main, is less demanding. All that’s required is a letter from Gary Ambrosier.  And now you know why I’ll be center stage tomorrow night making my musical debut along side five other, oh so accomplished artists, performing in front of Grand Junction’s Centennial Band during their winter concert. 

Not to brag, but expect Father Jim Plough, Dixie Burmeister and moi to render the audience speechless as we rock out on saucepans.  Joining us onstage and featuring a hard driving, vibrant percussive style on the wine glass are Sheriff Stan Hilkey, Musical Arts Association President Arlene Blake and the afore mentioned Mr. Ambrosier who, when not appearing as a vino goblet virtuoso, doubles as the Centennial Band director.  Gary displayed no sign of nervousness during our hours of rehearsal (2), but one could assume he views our performance tomorrow night as a highlight in his lifetime of music. Or something like that. 

The Centennial band musicians were obviously awed by our performance.  During the first rehearsal one flautist was overheard, “I don’t believe what I’m hearing or seeing.”   

There’s an ever so slight possibility our scintillating wine glass and sauce pan performance during Michael Story’s arrangement of “Christmas In The Kitchen” won’t strike all in attendance as the musical highlight of the Christmas season.  For those doubting Thomas’s, the Centennial Band will offer a complete program plus there’s a performance by the 1^st Presbyterian Church Hand Bell Choir.  The concert starts tomorrow night at 7:30pm, that’s Thursday December 6^th for those of you not reading the Milieu on the day of publication, and tickets are priced $5.00 a pop with children under twelve free. 

You think playing a saucepan is easy?  Wrong. Just for starters, one has to be able to count all the way to four.  Do you realize how difficult that is for an Iowa State guy?  And standing there doing nothing for three measures, it’s called a rest, one is not allowed to check out the audience but are forced to concentrate, and count to four, without moving the lips, three times.  Counting straight one to twelve isn’t allowed, oh no, it’s one-two-three-four over and over again.  The task is so difficult a member of the band was my own private tutor.  He stood along side, counted on his fingers, and punched my shoulder whenever the starring moment arrived and it was whack the saucepan time.  But talk about panic.  The tutor refuses to stand by my side at tomorrow night’s performance.  Some puny excuse about the embarrassment of it all.   

As difficult as concertizing is, our sextet extraordinaire will pull out all the stops.  At the conclusion, a moment where a musician behind me at rehearsal whispered, “Thank God it’s over”, feel free to dispense with perfunctory applause and rise for a standing ovation.  But don’t expect an encore.  We barely know one number.