April 25, 2007
In The Leather

A "gimmee" can best be defined as an agreement between four golfers, none of whom can putt very well.

- Author unknown 

The annual springtime Geezer Golf Tour, not to be confused with the PGA Tour, the Seniors Tour or, if our wives ask, the Hooters Tour, is currently wending its way through the myriad golf courses surrounding Myrtle Beach. 

Ours is a social game among old friends who wager a few quid on the day’s outcome causing the competitive juices to flow as we struggle to beat the living crap out of one another.  No handicap is too large, no rule un-enforced, no advantage avoided (why does Big Poolie only cough or sneeze on my backswing) in an effort to win the day money ($8). 

While the rules of golf are strictly observed, when it comes to short putts the “gimmee” rule is in effect.  Any putt within a specific distance of the hole is conceded.  What’s the distance?  “If it’s in the leather, pick it up.”  Meaning that should the putter blade be placed in the hole and the shaft extended toward the ball and the ball’s location be between the hole and the putter grip, the putt is conceded.  The putter person adds one stroke to his total and moves on.  To be truthful “in the leather” is a misnomer, it’s really “in the metal” but no matter the semantics, the concession allows the embarrassment unique to gagging a short putt to be avoided. 

One wonders where “gimmees” started.  They’re certainly not found in other sports.  In basketball you put the ball through the net or you don’t.  Hitting the rim and falling out isn’t conceded as good.   

Come football season when the Bronco’s are 3^rd and 3 and the halfback runs for 2 and 1/2 yards the other team doesn’t say, “That’s good.” 

Don’t get me started on football.  Players make millions, networks pay billions, yet the game is officiated by part time employees.  The NFL says betting on games is discouraged (wink wink) but the cash equivalent to the gross national income of a banana republic is in play every week.  And in a technological age where computer chips and GPS systems allow an Iowa farmer to plant corn with the tractor controlled by a satellite signal, the NFL continues to measure distance with two poles and a chain.   

You don’t find “gimmees” in business.  Imagine a broker saying, “I know you wanted to sell at 16 but 15 and three quarters was close enough.”  The only “gimmee” in business  happened at the petty cash drawer with me in charge.  Anyone thinking I’d take the time at the end of the day to find a fifteen-cent mistake when there was a dime and a nickel in my pocket had best think again. 

“Gimmees” were totally missing in academia.  No prof was heard, “Maynard you almost passed the algebra test, I’ll give you a D-.”  And “gimmees” are an oxymoron in the automatic recount world of political elections.