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August 15, 2007
I wish I had a |
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“Stache The Whiners The kind that Boston Blackie wore. So goes Jimmy Buffet ‘s ode to a fuzzy upper lip. But now comes word moustache wearers are constant victims of society’s discrimination. Really. Stumbling across a news story while wandering the internet, eyebrows were raised by quotes from a spokesman for the hair between the nose and lip set. It’s difficult to recall the exact name of the organization the oh-so-aggrieved claimed to represent, memory says it was somewhere in the vicinity of the National Association for the Advancement Hairy Lips, but the moustache mouthpiece was totally miffed to the max about what he perceived to be the marginalization of those choosing to adorn their upper lip with facial hair. Supposedly, because of a few facial follicles, his constituency was continually denied promotions, forced to pay higher rates on their home loans and, most importantly, not allowed on television. Oh the agony of it all, just try and imagine the emptiness of looking to television for a role model and finding only Dr. Phil. But then it’s hard today not to find someone claiming to be a victim of discrimination. Everybody and their dog (especially the pooches 86’d from our Main Street Farmers Market) seems intent on detailing a reason they’re a victim of bias. What Reverend Martin Luther King started, leading the fight against inequalities suffered by people of color and later witnessed the Americans with Disabilities Act paving the way to a better life for those beset by physical handicaps, has now been trivialized to where the whole world seems intent on waving the “discrimination” banner, no matter how miniscule the problem. Not to pick on moustache wearers. Far be it for me to be accused of “hairy upper lip envy” brought about an inability to grow hair anywhere on the body’s upper level. The latest attempt at facial hair took place years ago and only resulted in a veterinarian friend offering treatment for my obvious case of mange. The “Don’t tread on my ‘stache” folks are just the latest to claim injustice. An incomplete list of their fellow travelers in the world of “just look how the world screws me over” would include seniors, smokers, the obese, the tattooed and folks unwilling to negotiate roundabouts. Come to think of it yours truly probably has a legitimate age discrimination suit. Just because my foot speed is best timed by a sundial while the jump shot borders on non-existent and my height barely reaches 5’ 8”, the real reason I’m not pulling down millions of dollars a year suiting up for an NBA team is that age sixty-five is in my rear view mirror. Not to be overly simplistic but if one is convinced success is limited to those going through life absent facial foliage, why not shave? Every man has his price. When he patrolled centerfield for the Red Sox, Johnny Damon would go an entire season sans razor. Then his agent negotiated a multi-million dollar contract with the clean-shaven Yankees. Mr. Damon had no problems making the adjustment. Why can’t the various “aggrieved by matters piddly” people be equally accommodating? What do they have to lose beside You Said It! ? |