August 29, 2007

Only in Iowa
is it Maid-Rite

It’s the pot of gold at the end of a long hard road.  Once again, the Maynard’s are on the road, “eastbound and down” across the Colorado plains, past the green signs announcing the nearness of Nebraska’s Ogallala, Gothenburg, Lexington and York until, once the Missouri River is behind us and we’re forty miles into Iowa the trip becomes worthwhile.  Why?  Because at a truck stop outside Avoca comes the first opportunity to savor the taste magic unique to Iowa, the Maid-Rite. 

What’s a Maid-Rite?  Walter Kirn penned the best description in Travel & Leisure magazine. “Maid-Rite is an Iowa-born chain of fast-food franchises that never caught on outside its home region and has pretty much died out even there, perhaps because its signature dish-the sublimely uncomplicated Maid-Rite burger-resembles something created in a VA hospital during a catastrophic budget crunch.  The recipe for this minimalist comfort food consists of barely seasoned loose ground beef spilled haphazardly onto a white bun and served with pickles, a little bit of onion, and a thin swipe of mustard but no ketchup.  Maid-Rite hasn’t offered ketchup since the depression because hoboes used to steal bottles of the condiments and mix it with water to make soup.  By nipping such pilferage in the bud, the restaurant has not only saved a tidy sum that must come to well over $30 by now, but has also removed the slightest possibility that its loyal customer base will ever demographically expand past groups of guys in old John Deere caps.”  And, I might add, Colorado expatriates. 

I know you’ll find this hard to believe, given Mr. Kirn’s enthusiastic review, but there are Maid Rite naysayers among us.  These philistines are usually godless communists from Minnesota and North Dakota.  My friend Big Gear Bob, a North Dakotan, claims the Maid-Rite taste most resembles cardboard.  North Dakotans drink a lot, which obviously causes a serious degradation of the taste buds. 

The culmination of our journey comes at Exit 40 on the Iowa portion of Interstate 80 where, per usual, we’ll sit down to our Maid-Rite sans plate.  Without fail the epicurean delight will be served in a simple paper wrap and come with a plastic spoon to scoop up what falls by the wayside, a natural occurrence in “loose meat” sandwich dining.  On the restaurant wall is a poster of a Des Moines Register survey detailing that, after corn on the cob, Maid-Rites are Iowans favorite taste treat.  And since Colorado’s own, Olathe Sweet, is now the undisputed sweet corn king, at least outside the land of the Hawkeyes, this means Maid-Rite is Iowa’s best when it comes to yummy. 

Sentinel food guru and Storm Lake, Iowa native Dixie Burmeister has published the Maid-Rite recipe.  But it’s a taste almost impossible to duplicate outside the confines of corn country.  Maybe it’s the fresh, but oh so sticky, quality constant humidity imparts to the buns surrounding the gastronomic delight or the unique taste could also be the sublime greasiness of the loose meat itself, but whatever the reason the true Maid-Rite experience only happens in Iowa.