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May 14, 2008 |
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Television for the physically shot. Ever watch the evening network news? Brian Williams, Katie Couric and Charley Gibson are either hazardous to health or their broadcasts reach a whole new demographic, the “I feel better today than yesterday but tomorrow doesn’t look so good, crowd..” In days past when one suffered the crummies, you bedded down for the duration with a hot water bottle and a glass filled with ice cubes and 7-Up nearby. Maybe today sickies just watch newscasts. TV news in the afternoon is not a television staple in my life. It’s a time better used for meaningful activities, like golf or gin and tonics. But a couple of weeks back, for reasons I know not, life found me at five in the afternoon staring at a network newscast. The commercials were something else. Forget about ads for Chevy, Ford and how to buy real estate with no money down, today ads in the news seem keyed to folks with bodies in serious medical disrepair. Then again, maybe the happenstance trip into the world of high cholesterol, escalating blood pressure and headaches galore was not the norm. So last Friday I tuned in to all three, ABC, NBC and CBS, in a channel changing frenzy to determine if network newscasts were TV shows aimed solely at the ill, the maimed and the infirm. The ABC newscast featured a commercial lineup starting with a grey haired lady extolling the virtues of Reclast (fights osteoporosis) followed by an ad for Glucerma. (It’s breakfast cereal for diabetics.) Then came Breathe Rite Strips (stops snoring), Lanacane, (stops itching), Ambien CR, (knocks you out at night), Aleve, (stops back pain), Flomax, (helps go-go guys cut down on the go) plus Nasonex. (stops allergies or so said the animated bee with a British accent pitching the pill). CBS led off with Aleve, not only does it stop back pain but if the commercial is to be believed, also teaches one to dance, then Gidget (Sally Field) explained how her life is wonderful thanks to Boniva (osteoporosis), an animated guy doing chin ups stopped long enough to explain CVS pharmacies protect customers from bad drug interactions, and then came a real highlight. A commercial aired featuring some poor schlep walking down the street followed closely by a hospital gurney. (One can’t invent this stuff). An announcer explained, “If you’ve had one heart attack you’ll probably need the hospital bed because another one is on the way, unless you take Plavix”. No scare tactics there. NBC featured the usual suspects plus a Metamucil ad (“it beautifies your insides”..yuck!), and a schoolteacher desperately needing Sudafed. NBC did take the cake with the absolute Oscar winning commercial of the day. A very handsome grey haired man stared deep into the eyes of a most beautiful gray hair lady while bold letters across the bottom of the screen read, “Which one is wearing dentures?” While Fixodent may be a great product, should one get involved in a lip lock and worry about loosening dentures while smooching they’re obviously hooking up with a kisser way outta their league. But the basic question remains, are regular news viewers in physical disrepair before they click on the tube or is what’s happening between the commercials causing a pandemic? |