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June 4, 2008 |
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Only five? You’re kidding. Five, at our house, barely qualifies as a beginning. Yesterday, wandering the web, the eyes stumbled upon, “Five Things Never To Say To a Woman”. Based on practical experience, this “ways to aggravate and infuriate the one you promised to love, honor, and never compare her cooking to your mother’s,” finds five a minimal number. But one is compelled to read the accompanying article and determine where exactly, in comparison with fellow males, you screwed up. Sort of a misery loves company exercise. According to the author, the “Big 5” conversational no-no’s in male/female interaction are saying; “Just relax” in the middle of a heated discussion, replying, “Whatever you want to do is fine with me”, when asked for an opinion, blurting “I love you” in the middle of an argument, daring to say, “You knew I was this way when you married me” in response to a suggested improvement and the supposed ultimate sin in male/ female conversation, saying absolutely nothing. This is a list obviously compiled by an un-married male. Or a man in his first month of marriage, in fact the possibility exists he just arrived home from his honeymoon. Because there are many, many more than five oh-so innocent statements that can cause storm clouds to gather on the sunniest of marriage days. Starting with, “I’ll change that light bulb in the kitchen right after the Rockies game.” This is followed by, “Are Rockies games as long as the Broncos? You promised to sweep the garage after the Bronco game back in October. From the appearance of the garage floor the Broncos must still be playing. I bet their players are exhausted.” Un-intentional aggravation may also be generated by asking, while unloading the dishwasher, “Where do you keep this bowl?” prompting, “We’ve lived here nine years and you still don’t know where clean dishes are kept?” Hey there’s only so information storage capacity available in my brain. If one is to retain vital information such as the starting line-up of the Phillies “Whiz Kids” of 1950, (Where have you gone Granville Hammer?), plus be aware of the names and instruments played by the Dance Hall Doctors, Tim McGraw’s backup band, some trivial information, i.e. the location of the silverware drawer, requires occasional updates. Compliments can also lead to intense discussion as in “Is that a new dress? It looks great.” Only to be followed by “No, I bought it for our 40th anniversary dinner. It must have made a real impression”. How am I supposed to remember a dress purchased way back in the same year Jake Plummer threw a pass left-handed that was intercepted and run back for a touchdown? When our three daughters were in their single digits, a gentle prompting on my part, “We’d better hustle or we’ll be late” often lead to a one sided conversation about how some people have only themselves to worry about when it comes to getting ready and it doesn’t speed things up one iota pacing back and forth while continually glancing at your watch. “I’m perfectly capable of telling time”. And all I was trying to do is help. |