July 2, 2008
Cherry Bombs, M-80’s
and Backyard Booms

Blame the founding fathers.  2^nd amendment rights don’t go far enough.  The right to bear arms was spelled out.  But what about loud noises?  All Americans, regardless of race, creed or sexual preference should be guaranteed the freedom to light the punk, remember punk, and boom away come the 4^th of July. 

But no, the really fun, incredibly loud stuff is against the law.  I can’t help it.  Politically incorrect and criminal it may be, a bad case of fireworks withdrawal is suffered every year when July rolls around.  I miss ‘em all, M-80’s, sparklers, roman candles, cap pistols, cherry bombs, bottle rockets and any other thunderboomer guaranteed to make neighborhood dogs howl and the family cat hide under the porch.  I even miss ladyfingers; those itty bitty crackers that didn’t boom so much as “Pfft”. 

Sure a limited number of fireworks are legal in Colorado.  But none fits the “good stuff” category.  What’s for sale not only doesn’t go boom, it more or less sits on the ground and molts.  Were truth in advertising an actual fact, what’s sold in our Centennial State would be labeled “wussy-works”. 

Yes, fireworks extravaganzas, celebrating July 4^th, abound.  And I love them.  But sitting on a bleacher or blanket watching someone else’s “bombs bursting in air” just doesn’t compare with firing a mini surface to air missile at your best friends in an after dark, back yard, bottle rocket battle.   And today’s younger generation will never experience running barefoot through the night with a lit sparkler tingling the arms with sparkler spray. 

Plus today’s youth are forced to mature without ever having possessed a cap pistol.  Not that it was ever about the pistol, they rarely worked more than fifteen minutes.  It was all about the caps.  They were a roll of approximately thirty individual mini-explosions that simulated a pistol shot.  But, by placing the entire roll on the concrete floor of a garage or machine shed and nailing said cap conglomerate with the business end of a ball peen hammer, one could easily wake the neighbors.  Now that was 4^th of July cool.  

Congress, never afraid to make tough decisions, witness what extending daylight savings did to alleviate the high price of gas, abolished M-80’s and cherry bombs in the sixties.  They claimed to be protecting citizens from bodily harm caused by the mini-bombs. A case can be made they were giving protection to the toilets of America as both M-80’s and cherry bombs blew many of Kohler of Kohler’s finest to kingdom come.  One could accuse legislators protecting folks who light the fuse and then forget to rid their hand of an explosive as pandering to the shallow end of the gene pool. 

M-80’s and cherry bombs were useful all summer long.  They were an essential part of the tackle box when farm pond fishing for bullheads and carp in western Illinois.  True, one first gave the fish a sporting chance with dough balls on a treble hook.  But on days they weren’t biting, a lit M-80 pitched into the pond was a never fail method to avoid getting skunked. 

Oh, those gone forever July fourths.  Skyrockets exploding in the night sky with an ear-splitting boom as a mother warns, “You boys be careful or you’ll put somebody’s eye out.” 

 Aah, the good old days.